Well Larry and I had a very joyful time this past Sunday. We ended up dropping Joe off at Crystal's around 9:30 and then we were off on our adventure. We decided to go to Denios Market and Auction in Roseville as I'd never been and always wanted to check it out. It's sort of a farmers market and a swap meet combined. We picked up some juicy fruit and chili's for Larry's next b-b-que adventure. We didn't actually make it to the auction barn as this place is huge and I was exhausted just walking through the swap meet areas, but are planning to make another trip to check it out in the near future.
After Denio's we headed over to our local SPCA to look at the puppies (and bunnies, cats and gerbals). They were all so cute but none of them said, "Take us home" in our hearts so we're still on our search for a new member of our family. It's a bit of a challenge because the ones we've been leaning towards in our research are not really appropriate for a child Joe's age so we're not sure what we're really looking for at this point.
After the SPCA we went to a new place that we'd never been called R15 (which is a bar/billards joint) and had dinner at the Bernardo's cafe which is attached to the bar. It was so good and it was a free meal since we had a gift card that Larry's sister had given us a few months earlier. I had the best soup - it was red lentils with apple and it was delicious. All of the food there was excellent and the desserts were to die for. I had triple layer chocolate cake while Larry had carrot cake and they were both so moist and rich in flavor.
Afterwards we headed over to visit with Chuck and Kelli and just hung out and conversed for an hour before leaving to pick up Joe. Of course Chuck had to give us a hard time about being "old" as we had dinner at 3:00 in the afternoon. Hey when you're hungry, you're hungry. And he didn't mind taking my left overs.
When we got to Crystal's her place looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Joe had toys strewn all over the place. Joe was exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open. They had taken him with them to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and I'm not sure who got more of a work out out of running around and playing - Crystal or Joe. He loves spending time with her because she always plays with him and makes him laugh. They have a really special bond.
So once again Kudo's to my sister for giving us a pleasant and child-free day. It was great for my soul and for our relationship as sweethearts.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sunshine - Woo Hoo
It was so beautiful outside today and sunshine is expected tomorrow too. This makes me happy. What makes me even happier is that my sister Crystal has agreed to take Joe for the day tomorrow so Larry and I can have some couple time. We're gonna take a road trip - where we don't know, but whereever we end up it will be great just because we're together and the sun will be shining.
We've toyed with the idea of going on the motorcycle, but then again we need to drop Joe off and it would limit how far we could go because I can't handle riding very long on the back of the bike these days. Boy that was a run on sentence. We'll see how we're all feeling in the morning.
Larry has a small cold and has really been feeling the affects today. I got him some nose spray, DayQuill gel caps, and warming Theraflu for tonight. Hopefully they'll help him kick this cold/sore throat in the behind. I can only hope.
We've toyed with the idea of going on the motorcycle, but then again we need to drop Joe off and it would limit how far we could go because I can't handle riding very long on the back of the bike these days. Boy that was a run on sentence. We'll see how we're all feeling in the morning.
Larry has a small cold and has really been feeling the affects today. I got him some nose spray, DayQuill gel caps, and warming Theraflu for tonight. Hopefully they'll help him kick this cold/sore throat in the behind. I can only hope.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Night has fallen and I'm still awake
Seriously I just went to bed about 14 minutes ago - took one of my heavy duty sleeping pills that are so strong I literally have to take them as I'm getting in to bed because otherwise I lose focus and go kinda crazy. Once the pill has been taken I can't take telephone calls, make important decisions, anything of matter has to wait until the pills wear off and I have a clear head.
So I crawl in to bed and cuddle up to Larry, who is like having my own personal heater under the covers. I just get comfortable and not threee minutes later I am in to much pain on the points making contact with the mattress; mainly my hips and shoulders. So I nudge Larry and tell him he's gonna have to cuddle me so I won't be in as much pain. He obliges and I swear is right back to sleeping and snoring in less that 30 seconds. It amazes me how quickly he goes into deep sleep. Oh what I wouldn't give for a couple of nights like that each week. Anyway, as we get settled and the warmth from Larry is starting to wrap around me, keeping the night chill away I think, "Ahhhh Im finally gonna get some good sleep tonight". JINX... did someone yell JINX because that's what I am - JINXed.
We here the faint calling from Joey's room followed by crying. I think okay I'll grab the bottle I made earlier, check to see if he needs a diaper change, and have him back to sleep in seconds. Yeah right, who do I think I am Houdini, or Super Nanny. NOT, NOT, NOT...I am just me so I do what I do best I talk to him softly. Tell him its time to go back to nite-nite, lightly rub his back, try to give him his bottle but no, he is having none of it. He wants Mommy. So I crawl into the crib with him and we get situated, I start all the things that usually soothe him - singing quietly, rubbing his back and head, making sure his bottle is within in reach, but still no change in his demeanor.
Larry gets up to see what's going on and suggests that we take him back to our bed with us. I don't think that's such a good idea because then Larry won't get peaceful sleep and he has to be up at 3 AM for work and ready to tackle the issues on the job as soon as he walks through there door. I tell him to go back to bed and I'm gonna just try this for a bit. After about 10 minutes, a does of Ibuprofen and a does of Baby Tylenol, he's calmed down. I tuck him in with Eyor and Pink Piggy, cover him with his favorite quilt cousin Ranel made him, tuck his bottle next to his arm and give him a kiss on the forheaad and say "Sweet Dreams". And then I'm outta there.
The problem now is I've missed that small window of opportunity my sleeping pill provides to allow me to fall asleep for at least 2, maybe 3 hours of good rest. So now what do I do? Go back to bed and lay there watching the numbers on the clock roll over, just give up now because I know I won't get good sleep now, or take one more sleep pill that's a little lighter and see if that we be enough to bring me back in to slumber land. I get to spend so little time there, getting good rest, most nights I'm lucky if I get 3 solid hours of sleep without waking up with pain, and then the emotional piss match in my mind kicks in about how unfair this is and how am I expected to be productive on any level at all with little or no sleep.
You know it's a vicious cycle. You need sleep so your body has a chance for restoration, key elements that only take place during your REM cycles, but in my case my physical pain keeps putting obstacles in that particular path from not being able to lay in any one position long, to not being able to shut off my thoughts - if I'm feeling this badly now, what will tomorrow look like? Will I have the energy and the range of motion I need to even do the simple things like shower, get Joe dressed. Things most people don't have to give much thought to, but they are constantly on my mind because I don't want to let my son down, or Larry, or my family. That simple life I've always dreamed of having seems so far away from my reality I wonder if it's ever even going to be possible to get close to it, let alone achieve it.
So I crawl in to bed and cuddle up to Larry, who is like having my own personal heater under the covers. I just get comfortable and not threee minutes later I am in to much pain on the points making contact with the mattress; mainly my hips and shoulders. So I nudge Larry and tell him he's gonna have to cuddle me so I won't be in as much pain. He obliges and I swear is right back to sleeping and snoring in less that 30 seconds. It amazes me how quickly he goes into deep sleep. Oh what I wouldn't give for a couple of nights like that each week. Anyway, as we get settled and the warmth from Larry is starting to wrap around me, keeping the night chill away I think, "Ahhhh Im finally gonna get some good sleep tonight". JINX... did someone yell JINX because that's what I am - JINXed.
We here the faint calling from Joey's room followed by crying. I think okay I'll grab the bottle I made earlier, check to see if he needs a diaper change, and have him back to sleep in seconds. Yeah right, who do I think I am Houdini, or Super Nanny. NOT, NOT, NOT...I am just me so I do what I do best I talk to him softly. Tell him its time to go back to nite-nite, lightly rub his back, try to give him his bottle but no, he is having none of it. He wants Mommy. So I crawl into the crib with him and we get situated, I start all the things that usually soothe him - singing quietly, rubbing his back and head, making sure his bottle is within in reach, but still no change in his demeanor.
Larry gets up to see what's going on and suggests that we take him back to our bed with us. I don't think that's such a good idea because then Larry won't get peaceful sleep and he has to be up at 3 AM for work and ready to tackle the issues on the job as soon as he walks through there door. I tell him to go back to bed and I'm gonna just try this for a bit. After about 10 minutes, a does of Ibuprofen and a does of Baby Tylenol, he's calmed down. I tuck him in with Eyor and Pink Piggy, cover him with his favorite quilt cousin Ranel made him, tuck his bottle next to his arm and give him a kiss on the forheaad and say "Sweet Dreams". And then I'm outta there.
The problem now is I've missed that small window of opportunity my sleeping pill provides to allow me to fall asleep for at least 2, maybe 3 hours of good rest. So now what do I do? Go back to bed and lay there watching the numbers on the clock roll over, just give up now because I know I won't get good sleep now, or take one more sleep pill that's a little lighter and see if that we be enough to bring me back in to slumber land. I get to spend so little time there, getting good rest, most nights I'm lucky if I get 3 solid hours of sleep without waking up with pain, and then the emotional piss match in my mind kicks in about how unfair this is and how am I expected to be productive on any level at all with little or no sleep.
You know it's a vicious cycle. You need sleep so your body has a chance for restoration, key elements that only take place during your REM cycles, but in my case my physical pain keeps putting obstacles in that particular path from not being able to lay in any one position long, to not being able to shut off my thoughts - if I'm feeling this badly now, what will tomorrow look like? Will I have the energy and the range of motion I need to even do the simple things like shower, get Joe dressed. Things most people don't have to give much thought to, but they are constantly on my mind because I don't want to let my son down, or Larry, or my family. That simple life I've always dreamed of having seems so far away from my reality I wonder if it's ever even going to be possible to get close to it, let alone achieve it.
Stress, Stress, and more stress
As if dealing with Joe's teeth isn't enough, I just got "reviewed" by Social Security (their doctor's) and they've decided I'm not in enough pain to continue receiving my disability benefits. I feel so much worse now physically and emotionally than I did when they first approved my benefits that I don't understand how they came to their determination. I spent exactly 20 minutes with two different doctors - one to question the physical, another the emotional aspect and apparently their opinion matters more than the team of doctors I've been seeing for the past few years.
So now I have to go through an appeals process - a letter stating why I feel I am still considered disabled, fill out some SS forms, get copies of all my doctors records, get letters and/or personal statements from friends and relatives that can verify my decreased capabilities physically and mentally, etc. Can you say stressful? I can - STRESSFUL.
I am already so tired, don't hardly sleep even with sleep medication, have difficulty turning my mind "off", and now I have this to deal with. Larry says we can get a disabiity attorney to fight this for me, or with me, but then they get a percentage of my benefits and we can't really afford that.
It pisses me off because I know people who receive benefits and are not really injured or ill, and here I am doing my best with the limitations my body places on me and I'm the one being denied benefits that I've paid into since I was 15 years old. It's just ludicrous.
Please send your positive vibes my way because I'm gonna need all the help I can get to get through this ordeal.
So now I have to go through an appeals process - a letter stating why I feel I am still considered disabled, fill out some SS forms, get copies of all my doctors records, get letters and/or personal statements from friends and relatives that can verify my decreased capabilities physically and mentally, etc. Can you say stressful? I can - STRESSFUL.
I am already so tired, don't hardly sleep even with sleep medication, have difficulty turning my mind "off", and now I have this to deal with. Larry says we can get a disabiity attorney to fight this for me, or with me, but then they get a percentage of my benefits and we can't really afford that.
It pisses me off because I know people who receive benefits and are not really injured or ill, and here I am doing my best with the limitations my body places on me and I'm the one being denied benefits that I've paid into since I was 15 years old. It's just ludicrous.
Please send your positive vibes my way because I'm gonna need all the help I can get to get through this ordeal.
Boo Hoo
Poor Joe. He has really been feeling under the weather for the last couple of days. Not eating (his favorite thing to do), sleeping a lot - but only for short periods before he wakes up cranky and crying, walking like he's a drunk... I think you get the picture. Anyway I took him in to see his physician today because I'm thinking ear infection, but everything looked good except he is cutting a couple of molars. So we think that is the culprit, but we're gonna keep a watch on things and if his fever gets higher (it's been running around 100.5), or he breaks out with a cough or congestion, then we'll take him back in. Other than that I can only try to make him comfortable.
Daddy's trying too - he brought home Otter Pops from Pop-pop tonight and gave him one which actually brought a smile to his face.
I hope he gets better soon because it breaks my heart to see him miserable.
Daddy's trying too - he brought home Otter Pops from Pop-pop tonight and gave him one which actually brought a smile to his face.
I hope he gets better soon because it breaks my heart to see him miserable.
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