By beat, I mean the constant pressure in my tender points that reminds me of when you slip with the hammer and hit your thumb instead of the nail. It seems like it's never ending, thump, thump, thump and with each pulse more pain radiates out... out from my elbows, out from my knees, and that's on top of the constant aches and sharp pains that I deal with on a daily basis in my shoulders and hips. It's just crazy. And with that craziness comes even less sleep, perpetuating the cycle because as we all know when you don't get enough rest your blood doesn't have enough time to oxygenate, therefore your cells aren't performing at their peak, and you have nothing in reserves just to be able to do your daily "norms".
I guess I'm just going on and on, because this flare up seems to be doing the same thing, and I've about given up on it ever coming to an end. The end of this particular flare up, the end of this stupid condition as a whole, just the end.
The thing that is upsetting me most about this particular flare up is I'm taking it out on those I love the most - my hubby Larry. He still loves me even when I'm snarking at him for nothing in particular, at least nothing that he specifically has been involved with. I'm snapping at mom for asking me simple questions because I'm just so frigging tired that I don't want to be bothered, and yet life has to go on - right? And my baby Joey. I feel the worst about him because I can't play with him as much as he'd like, or go adventuring around the block. I feel like a prisoner in my own home and as a result I've made a prisoner of him as well.
Sometimes life sucks... this is definitely one of those times.
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